A couple weekends ago I drove from Los Angeles, California to Monterey, California. With a couple of much needed stops, it came to about a 7 hour drive. I wanted to see my 21-year-old son participate in the Monterey Jazz Next Generation Festival. He had been away on a tour that ended in Monterey, so I was particularly happy and excited about this trip.
Monterey is known for being one of the most beautiful areas of California with its Cyprus trees sprawling with personality, its trails and paths to the aquarium, the bay near the wharf, and the fun little shops and restaurants along the quaint main street.
Every year at this time this small town swells with kids in suits and ties from middle-school age to college seniors from all over the globe. Some parents like myself hoping to meet up with their kids whom have traveled with their schools to be at this prestigious event, line the streets as they meander through the candy shops and crepe houses surrounding the Convention Center where the festival is held.
In the midst of all this beautiful chaos I found myself feeling quite sad. After identifying this surprising feeling I decided to pay attention to what was underneath this sadness. Sadness usually comes from a lack or loss, so why in the middle of the salt-water taffy and Cyprus tree capital of California was I so down? I was there to see my son in the midst of his own thriving, achieving, conquering and enjoying!
I decided to go into observation mode and take in and assess all that was happening around me, to really connect to the experience others were having and what that was creating in my immediate environment. I suddenly realized that what others were experiencing was intense and profound bonding over an artistic expression. I was in lack over the sideline status and in loss over my son’s independence and scarcity. Acknowledging and allowing all my feelings without judgment was the first step to finding my way to understanding myself, my current life transitions and my own desires for creative bonding, partnership, collaboration and adventure.
Being a part of this powerful energy in a positive way with an eye on experiencing and analyzing its remarkable phenomenon was a decision I made after realizing that acceptance of my own current circumstances was in order.
Instead of being drawn to solitary walks on the beach for reflection and quiet, I was drawn to roaming the convention center and attached hotel to soak in and observe the faces and experiences the kids and young adults were having as they ran through hallways with instruments on their backs, or radically embracing each other as they bumped into others they had not seen since Stanford’s Summer Jazz Program, or Idyllwild’s Summer Art Camp.
The smiles were endless, the laughing was profound, and the joy was immense. This was after all a competition and yet there was no sign of this anywhere. People were technically winning, while so many others were losing and all I could observe and feel from others was pure happiness, bonding, elevation of self and intrinsic magnificence. These young participants did not see this experience in terms of winning or losing; they were clearly there to meet old and new friends, to support one another’s endeavors and talents and to play music!
My sadness turned into such gratitude and appreciation that I was there witnessing one of the most positive experiences these 1500 kids would be having in their lifetime. The sheer formula of putting people together with a shared passion and strength in the form of music, along with positive mentors and teachers, the support of parents and the time spent dedicated to their interest, created a perfect storm of well being. Being engaged in a specific community, doing something we love, but that also challenges us, having the right mentors, and feeling supported with appropriate feedback, is a good formula for thriving.
The joy and love I allowed myself to feel in the middle of this gathering filled my own heart. I strolled around enjoying the chatter and the music, I bought buttons as mementos that hung from my purse, and I periodically grinned at my favorite button that said, “It’s O.K. I’m with the band”.
